My name is Tia Nelson and I wish to apply to become a night zookeeper because I think it is important to protect the animals of the night zoo, so the monsters wont harm them in any way. I think I would be suitable for the job because I have very special abilities which enable me to talk to animals. This means I can warn the animals if a monster is coming so they can use their special abilities to their own advantage. I hope you accept me as I would love to help out and stop this constant battle.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
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Hello Tia,
ReplyDeleteThe idea of being able to talk to animals is a creative one. It definitely would be an asset for a Night Zookeeper to have. Being able to warn the animals of danger in their own language is a unique theory.
Your word use and phrasing is genuinely original. For example, "be suitable for the job," "abilities which enable me," and "to their own advantage" are all passages which are written in an uncommon way that is appealing to read. Your personal voice is remarkably noticeable in the way you construct phrases and use words.
My suggestion for making your writing even better is to take another look at your sentence construction. Some of the sentences could be varied in length, which would increase the enjoyment of the piece. Others need a comma to take a pause and think before moving on.
Your entry would surely make you a stand out candidate for the zookeeper position.
Thank you for sharing your writing style,
Gina Felton (Team 100, Iowa USA)