Monday, September 9, 2013

What is this fish??

I was fishing with my dad when one of our fishing rods started to move a lot my dad grabbed it and pulled with all his might HELP ME!!! he yelled as the fish was practically dragging him into the water head first i grabbed dad and pulled as hard as I could the humongous fish with bright red eyes and long sharp fangs was dragged onto the rocky shore. YES! my dad said! dad just stared at the fish twice the size of his head what is this fish he murmured I've never seen it before in my life......... 


Lilly
Posted by room5 at 5:47 PM

4 comments:

  1. SophieSeptember 9, 2013 at 9:48 PM

    Nice story Lilly.
    There were many punctuation erros such as commers, capital letters etc.
    Good effort.
    Sophie Year 6 St Andrews

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. room5September 9, 2013 at 9:50 PM

      Thanks for your comment Sophie, its nice hearing what other pupils have to say about our writing, it really helps us :)

      Delete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2013 at 11:10 AM

    Great work Lilly there were a few grammar errors but none too big. Keep up the good work :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2013 at 11:28 AM

    Love how you left us hanging ish.

    From Tom

    ReplyDelete

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