I’ve been stranded for days no food or water my lips are as dry as lizards skin. I’m all skin and bone no what so ever. My friends are already dead they died from starvation and dehydration. I’ve been seeing food people and hotels and then I find a cave. I saw a bright light at the end of it i start walking I realize it disappears in the distance. I cant hold myself up any more I collapse I can hear the sound of water trickling but I cant see it anywhere. Will I ever get out alive?
By Rose
A very atmospheric and bleak piece of writing for this 100WC, Rose. I love the simile, where you compare your lips to a lizard's skin.My only suggestion would be that you are careful with the verb tenses. Well done, I will look forward to seeing further pieces of your work in 100WC.
ReplyDeleteMrs Maclean, Team 100WC
A very vividly written 100wc Rose. There is a lot of description which helps the reader to imagine the setting, while you have imagined yourself in the role of a stranded person very well.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you could split up the first sentence a little more by using either a hyphen or colon, as well as some commas.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Mr Connor
Team 100wc