The violent storm was too strong, I couldn't even stand up. I stayed low to the ground fighting my way back to my house that was now falling apart. Trees were falling to the ground and lightning blinded me, yet I still wasn't going to give up. Thunder clapped in my ears and I started to feel weak. Pain shot up my leg, as I realized a tree had fallen on me. I clenched my teeth and couldn't think straight. Winds started whistling louder, a sign that the storm was about to get worse. I struggled but still couldn't move. Rain poured down, "could this get any worse! I cried.
By Isabella
Thursday, October 31, 2013
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What a dramatic storm Isabella! I was very excited and quite anxious as your character struggled to get to safety. You chose some great details to show how strong the storm was and what your character was going through. I particularly liked the phrase 'I clenched my teeth'. I wonder if you could see where you might have added to the dramatic mood with an exclamation mark? I felt it would make your writing seem even more urgent and exciting.
ReplyDeleteWell done, keep writing, Isabella.
Mr Leatherdale (Team 100)