Slowly the sky got darker thunder roared loudly beside me and rain started pouring down. Wolves howled up in the mountains and owls tooted in the forest. I heard dad grumbling to himself in his tent. I must have fell asleep because I heard screaming a while later and a figure with something sharp in his hand heading for a tent... I screamed an dad came into my tent with a bread a butter knife in his hand. He smiled brightly and said 'breakfasts ready!' ' AHHHH!!!! THE LIGHT IT BURNS '
i say laughing to my self and getting up to have breakfast. Dad looks at me weirdly and mutters to himself where NEVER going on another camping trip again....
By Lilly
This did make me chuckle, Lilly. The figure with the knife was only your dad preparing breakfast: what a relief! 'The light, it burns' made me smile too. None of us like to be woken in the morning, do we!
ReplyDeleteEven though this is a lively, fun piece, you have still included some good verbs such as 'tooted', 'roared' and 'howled'.
Take a little more care with punctuation and tenses e.g. 'I must have fallen asleep' and 'we're never going'.
Great job, Lilly.
Trish Burgess (Team 100WC)