by Sarah.c
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
The egg
Everything went silent. everybody stood staring at the egg. It was the egg of chocolate and the biggest on earth, I thought i told those kids to stay away from the chocolate egg i sighed "kids these days' I told to my coworker he just stood there not moving because it was our job to make this "egg" and now its ruined! just great we thought and suddenly we thought we could eat the chocolate so we ran up to the egg and started eating...
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Hi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteHow annoying would that be if it were your job to create a big egg, and then it got smashed and ruined! I think you would be really annoyed. I thought perhaps your story could have included a little bit more emotion at this point.
Be careful with your use of punctuation, I think there were one or 2 commas missing from your writing. Read through it and see if you can find where they might go!
Well done for entering this weeks 100 Word Challenge!
Mrs Symonds (Team 100WC)
Cambridge, UK