As I walk
through the rusted thorny GATEWAY I
can hear my mates whistling and shouting at me “you won’t do it” they would
chant. They had dared me to go to the old abandoned house it was a pale BLACK, and felt COLD and empty. I nearly turned
white when my FRIEND came RUNNING at me he was laughing and yelling he went up
the creaking dull steps “they doesn’t look safe” I yelled he heard and started
jumping until the floorboards gave way and he ended up wailing in agony. I get
out my phone and dial 111.
By Hamish
Hello Hamish,
ReplyDeleteGreat title! It drew me in right away. You've selected some wonderful words and phrases such as "wailing in agony", "abandoned" and "creaking" to help your reader form an image in her/his mind.
Remember to think carefully for the logical places for full stops and commas.
Keep up your writing.
Tracey Ananmalay
Team 100WC
San José, California, US